Let it Rain
by Shadow Weaver and Ikira
Summary: It's a rainy day when Dilandau decides to run away from Zaibach. On his journey he begins to think of his past, his reason for leaving, and one special person...*shounen ai and spoilers*



    Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne or "Let it Rain" By Amanda Marshall.
    Authors Notes: I've done one songfic before this and it was really popular. Now I'm trying again. This is my first Escaflowne fic, so be nice. By the way, I made it so that Dilandau is his own person. Don't you dare try to tell me otherwise! There are lots of spoilers, so beware! Also, it's Shounen ai, so watch out!
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    Dilandau looked behind him. It was raining, hard. Zaibach was barely visible through the veil of mist and raindrops. He shook his silver hair to get it out of his eyes, but it did no good. He was drenched to the bone. And, he was cold.
    **
    I have given, I have given
    And got none
    **Dilandau wrinkled his nose at the place behind him. He was finally leaving; sick of being used as a test rat. Those idiots would never find him now, and they would never hurt him again. It wasn't like he got a lot of respect anyways. True the DragonSlayers had adored him, but it was more fear and brainwashing then actual respect. Besides, they were all dead now. No one else trusted him. To them, he was just a whiney brat with a fancy title and shiny armor. It wasn't really anything. He was just being used. So he left. He just picked up his pack and ran.
    **
    Still I'm driven by something I can't explain
    **
    He shook his head again and sighed.There really was no reason for him to live on. He and Celena had split a long time ago. She was currently Dornkirk-knows-where, probably in the care of Jajuka. Soon those Sorcerers would figure out that she no longer contained him, fixed it so she did, then go after him. He should have just killed himself and gotten it over with, but something drove him on. Something he didn't understand...
    **
    It's not a cross, it is a choice
    I cannot help but hear his voice
    I only wish that I could listen without shame
    **Dilandau sighed again as he continued to walk. That wasn't true. He knew exactly what, or rather **who** drove him on, and he hated it, hated **HIM**. Yet he had no choice but to listen to what his mind, body, heart, and soul was telling him, and each of those things said _"Go to him"_ over and over. He even heard his name being whispered on the wind by the voice of the one who drove him on. It called him, but Dilandau had to shut it out. After all, no one can ever love their worst rival. Van could never love him. It went against everything he ever knew. He took a deep breath and turned his face up to the falling rain.
    **
    Let it rain
    Let it rain on me
    Let it rain, oh let it rain
    Let it rain on me
    **Smiling, the albino boy remembered the first time he met Van face-to-face. He had the breath taken away from him by that lovely face, but chose to ignore it, to hide from it. It was then that he noticed the funny girl beside the beautiful boy and took her as an excuse to get closer to-and his attention away from-him. He never forgot that day, no matter how much he tried. It was engraved permanently into his memory. It still lit up his day when he felt down.
    **
    I have been a witness to the perfect crime
    I wipe the grin off of my face to hide the blame
    **He also remembered the day his DragonSlayers were sent to destroy Fanelia. Although he hadn't been part of the attack, he had watched the entire with an evil grin on his face. He enjoyed the ravaging flames, the screams of fear and death. It was like a strange fantasy, like his body wasn't there anymore, and he was one with the fire. It still brought a pang of guilt to his heart. He had enjoyed it, like it was the best thing in the world. The ex-DragonSlayer Captain shuddered and wrapped his arms more tightly around himself.
    **
    It isn't worth the tears you cry to have a perfect alibi
    Now I'm beaten at the hands of my own game
    **He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears from falling. He had no excuse. He had done some very terrible things in his life, some that he would regret for the rest of his days. He had beaten, seduced, killed, even manipulated the people around him just to meet his own ends and whims. Now, all around him, he realized that was exactly what was happening to him. He needed a refuge, a safe haven from the evils of this world. He needed someone to hold him, comfort him, tell him everything was okay. Jajuka could have done that, but he was in Zaibach, and Dilandau was **not** going back there. So there was only one other person that could help him. _Van_.
    **
    Let it rain
    Let it rain on me
    Let it rain, oh let it rain
    Let it rain on me
    **He slowly hung his head, and stumbled onwards. He stepped in many puddles, the water soaking his already-damp, brown breaches. Pulling his black cloak's hood up, he continued forward, following a well traveled trail that hopefully led to somewhere. Well, wherever he was going, his heart told him that Van would be there. He barely lifted his head as a caravan of merchants passed by. Suddenly, one of the wheels jerked forward and sank into the mud, not budging. Immediately four or five men hopped out to un-stick it.
    **
    It isn't easy to be kind
    With all these demons in my mind
    I only hope one day I'll be free
    **One man turned to him and gestured for him to help. Before Dilandau even realized what he was doing, he sneered and shook his head. The man seemed to get angry, and gestured again, but the albino just turned his nose up and walked away. It wasn't until he was out of sight of the caravan that he let his shoulders slump. He had been cruel again. It wouldn't have killed him to help those men, but he refused. He truly was an evil little brat, wasn't he? Hugging himself again, he silently prayed to every god he knew that this torture would be over soon. He prayed he would be _free_.
    **
    I do my best not to complain
    My face is dirty from the strain
    I only hope one day I'll come clean
    **He stared down at his hands. They were so stained with blood. His whole body was stained, dripping with the innocent blood of others. He was a monster. He remembered every scream of everyone he had ever killed. He remembered because he used to _enjoy_ those sounds. Now they just haunted him. And the screams that haunted him the worst was the screams of his DragonSlayers as they were slaughtered. They hadn't died for Zaibach, their families, even for themselves. They died for **him!** He clenched his hands into fists, ignoring the nails digging into his palms. Would he ever be clean again?
    **
    Rain
    Let it rain on me
    Let it rain, oh let it rain
    Let it rain on me
    **Some time later the sun began to rise over the horizon. Squinting slightly, Dilandau decided that now would be a good time to head into the forest surrounding him. In the night, it was dark enough that no one would recognize him, but the day... he didn't want to be found just yet. He shook his head to get rid of the water and pulled down his hood. The rain was still coming down, but it was only a light drizzle and it wouldn't be that bad under the trees. He walked through the forest for a few hours, listening to the birds singing in the branches. Soon he found a small clearing and took this time to rest. He dropped his pack and lay against a large willow tree. He closed his eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep.
    **
    Come take my hand
    We can walk to the light
    And without fear
    We can see through the darkest night
    **The former Zaibach soldier had a very strange dream. In it, he was trapped in an eternal darkness. It swelled around him, threatening to encircle him and absorb him into its grasp. He cried out, scared, but none came to his aid. He collapsed to the ground, shaking with sobs. Then, when he had finally given in, a light pierced through the darkness. Dilandau looked up to see it was Van. He was shining brightly, with silvery-white wings on his back. A single hand was outstretched, reaching for him. With a happy cry, Dilandau threw himself into his angel's arms. Van held him tightly and flew up away from the darkness, with his precious boy still wrapped in his loving embrace.
    **
    Rain
    Rain on me
    Let it rain, oh let it rain
    Let it rain on me
    **Dilandau awoke with a start and looked quickly around him. It was still the same clearing, same forest. Nothing had changed. With a half relieved, half disappointed sigh the albino boy sank back down against the willow. It was all just a dream. Smiling in an amused-despairing way, he slowly stood up, shouldering his pack. He had to get moving, or the sorcerers would catch up to him. As he turned to go, a flash of white caught his attention. Strangely calm, yet totally shocked, Dilandau walked forward to inspect the strange object...He gasped when he saw what it was. It was a single white feather. With trembling hands, Dilandau lifted up the object. A small half-smile crossed his lips. Pocketing the strange feather, he continued on his way.
    **
    Rain on me
    Rain on me…**

Slowly, the rain stopped.

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Well, that's it. I hoped you enjoyed it, and please remember to Review. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to work on "Change of Heart." Ja Ne!


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